A mother's dream

As a parent - you sacrifice. But, as a mother - you saaaaaa-crificeeeeee. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much of a sacrifice I made as a mother and wife - and if someone asked me to do it again I'd be hesitant, if I'm honest.

The minute I became a mother - actually the second, I felt this internal need to take full care of my kid. It was like a pull from deep within that happened instantly when I gave birth. Nothing else mattered to me. Everything else was irrelevant in my eyes. I wanted them to be exclusively breastfed, I never wanted a dirty diaper on them for longer than a minute, I homeschooled them, I learned basic sign language to teach them, I stopped my career to be a mom - I stopped being me.

My first book event in awhile, but had some surprise goodies.

Motherhood became my new career and I can admit at times I needed help, but didn't ask for it because I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. I guess I wanted to prove to myself I was holding up my end of the bargain by attempting to run the household and be hands on with my children full-time. I'm a competitor, always have been with myself, and sometimes it's not helpful!

But do I regret it? No. Giving up my career to be a full-time mother helped me grow as in person. There were plenty of times where I wasn't sure of my worth, if I was doing the right thing, or who I'd become since having a child - still no regret. I can't even say having a plan would have helped me. I couldn't get out of my own way to see what I really wanted to do in life. But, after my children were born - it made me reevaluate. I have a son and 2 daughters. I want them to see a woman who dedicates herself to her family, but also chases her dreams, works, has friends, travels, educates herself, and most importantly loves herself.

For so long I thought instilling these values in my children were my goal, but these kids don't listen! You have to show them! When I began working, being social with my friends again, taking care of me, and reorganizing our home - they noticed.

And that's when I realized I have no choice but to live out my dreams because who the heck am I to tell my children to do it when I couldn't? As some of you know, I am a self-published author with two fictional books under my belt. I last published in 2020 and have been eager to get back to it.

Stepping away from writing wasn't by choice. Life happened, circumstances changed and I found myself with almost no time to dedicate to my passion. Luckily, I have wonderful friends that don't mind my introvert tendencies, and one of them invited me to a book event last month.

It gave me everything I needed to realize I need to get back in the game. My first two novels are a series following a young woman who is dead set on creating a life that she thinks is perfect - closely modeled after my life, but with a twist. As I got ready for the book event last month, I read a few chapters from each book and stopped - I was no longer this young woman anymore. I cringed a couple times at the glaring naiveté of Casey, the main character, and her passion for relationships, but I also smiled. This was me, in real time, figuring out my life through the lens of a fictional character - or at least venting.

Casey's emotional journey was a treat to reread - it reminded me of how hell-bent I was on finding a career that I loved, that would give me flexibility, and a career I could grow in. Somewhere along the lines I forgot that feeling, had to switch paths, and got caught up in the kids. I would love to say I'm back and halfway through a new novel, but my reality doesn't quite allow that amount of freedom. So, I'm creeping back into me - slowly. It's a hard pill to swallow starting at ground zero, but we're here taking it one day at a time.

If you're interested in reading about Casey and her Italian adventures, click the links.

The Game Changer

The Takeover