Learning not to argue.

It's safe to say, we've all had our fair share of arguments. Whether it's with a co-worker, partner, peer, kid, or sometimes ourselves - at some point you have to ask, is it worth it? I don't know about the average woman, but after an argument, I am spent. I'm not saying you can't disagree with people but the emotional toll arguing takes on me is too much these days.

At 25, I'd be ready for an all night battle of presenting my evidence as to why I'm pissed off and a rant about how that other person needs to fix it. But, now that I'm a smidge over the half mark of my thirties, I can't bear to raise my voice. I know I'll have a headache, stress, need a nap, and be in a funk for awhile. News flash - I have kids so being in any of the above moods is not an option for me.

So what do I do? What's the magic recipe? Nothing. I have no remedies that are foolproof. I've walked away and went to the bathroom when an almost-argument arose with my 4 year old. I uttered "ok" at a low tone to my partner because I knew I had an early morning the next day and arguing would just push my bedtime back further. I guess I finally asked myself, "what's the argument going to accomplish?" You're already mad or frustrated why make it worse by barking out what you think are objective facts, but have somehow morphed into emotional babel? I just realized it's not worth it. I'll sit on the floor and explain it to the kid in 10 minutes or tell my partner what annoyed me when I'm not actually frustrated.

Pick your battles - even when it's with yourself. You know what's ultimately important to you, and it's probably best to share that or express it when you're calm. I've taken to music, plants, puzzling, and cleaning when I'm trying to talk myself down from being wound up about whatever it is that day - because it's always something. Now that the weather is starting to break, walking or sitting on my deck and taking in some sun helps too.

Over the years, I've learned my triggers and learned what topics to stay away from at certain times. For example, I'm not going to lecture my 8 year old about a juice box she forgot to throw away when I know she just had school, gymnastics, and homework. I will leave it there and kindly remind her in the morning - yes, I'm a petty mom (but in a loving way).

I am a work in progress and I do have moments when I yell or begin an argument, but I can recognize it most times and pull back. Oh, and drinking - remember when I mentioned shying away from certain topics? This is a perfect time to practice that tip!

We're all human and all have our moments, but I really think if you actively try to minimize those moments, it's healthier for everyone. If you're a millennial, like me, you've googled this several times in hopes to avoid therapy. All I can say is, you know yourself, but it's always good to be informed.